


The Impossible

by storytimewritings



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Phil shares his feelings, Philinda - Freeform, Philinda 48 Hours, Philinda 48-Hour Identical Promptathon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 08:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2541257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storytimewritings/pseuds/storytimewritings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Philinda 48 hours</p>
<p>Prompt: “I can’t do this anymore, it’s too hard”</p>
<p>Angsty Phil shares his feelings and unexpected cheesiness ensues...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 11pm on a Sat night after working 12hrs straight, so please forgive any ridiculous cheesiness.

‘I can’t do this anymore, it’s too hard.’

‘What is?’

Sitting at the bar, he turns away from her, and stares into the drink he’s nursing. He pauses, uncertain of how to proceed. But he can feel May’s eyes boring into the back of his head, and decides to just rip off the band-aid. This way, at least, she’ll leave him alone. She’ll be so disgusted by his feelings that she’ll want to leave, and he won’t have to deal with any painful reminders of what he wants more than anything else in the entire world.

‘This, Melinda. Us. Our partnership. It’s too painful. I can’t keep pretending that everything’s ok, because it isn’t. Not when all I can think about is how beautiful you are.’

Not when all I can think about is how much I love you, he almost adds.

She probably gets the drift, no need to assault her with the entirety of his mortifying feelings. This way at least, he gets it over and done with in relative privacy, even if that does happen to be in the middle of a crowded bar. It’s preferable to either Maria or Garrett baring witness to his humiliation. This way, he doesn’t have to deal with Maria’s pitying looks and Garrett’s inevitable laughter. This way, only May has to know. This way, the only relationship his confession affects is his one with her.

There he goes, distancing himself from her immediately; the only relationship his confession affects is his one with her. He’s making it out to be less of a deal than it is. Their relationship means more to him than any other. But if he can pretend that it’s simply another partnership laid to waste, then maybe he won’t need to spend so much time grieving for its loss. Perhaps, after a time, he can pretend that she meant nothing to him.

‘You think I’m beautiful?’

Surprised for a moment that she’s still there, he turns to face her and asks, ‘that’s what you took from everything I said?’

‘Phil…’

‘Yes! Since you seem to care about this so much, yes! The most beautiful woman I’ve ever set eyes on, the most beautiful woman in any room, wherever you go. I don’t know why you care so damn much about it, but that’s how I feel. Every day that we’re partners it gets more and more difficult for me to reign in my feelings, so I’d appreciate it if you left before I make even more of a fool of myself and tell you how much I love you!’

For a second, the world seems to stop still as he takes in what he just said. After all his precautions, it seems that his angry ranting had been his undoing. There’s no way he can salvage any dignity now. He supposes that he’s got to be thankful for the fact that May is such a private person, that at least she won’t repeat what he said to anyone else. His dignity would remain intact in front of everyone else. It’s probably useless to hope that she missed that last part.

‘You love me?’

And there it is, just as he had expected.

‘From the first day we met and every day after.’

‘Oh Phil.’

He turns away again at that. He doesn’t want to see the pity in her eyes, that would be even worse than the distaste he had expected.

She reaches out, and pulls his face gently towards her, hands tenderly caressing his face.

May gazes deeply into his eyes and whispers softly, ‘I love you too. But I’m not good enough for you Phil. You’re kind and compassionate, and you deserve someone you can laugh with. And that’s not me.’

How could she ever think that about herself? Why can’t she see herself the way he sees her?

‘You’re right, that’s not you. But when you smile, it’s almost as if the whole world lights up. And that makes me the happiest man alive.’

She smiles at this, and he wonders how he could ever have believed that she would leave in disgust. She’s his best friend, and no feelings of his for her would ever have changed that.

And his heart rejoices. Because the impossible has occurred. Melinda May is in love with him, and that’s all that matters.


End file.
